


stray thoughts

by bonesandbellflowers



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Neku Says Fuck, TWEWYTOBER 2020, as in joshua entering the game, inconsistent second and third person, not during the same chapters though, other than that t for language ig?, set pre canon? post canon? during canon? yes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27032971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonesandbellflowers/pseuds/bonesandbellflowers
Summary: Moments, thoughts and emotions, caught in the swirling mass above Pork City.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 6





	1. Day 1 - Costume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing Intense here but heads up for general negative self image and maybe brief dysphoria references  
> this is related to the prompt i promise, its a METAPHOR dude

The Game is one of the first times Shiki doesn’t feel out of place. Like, yeah, it’s _weird_. But it's a good weird. A really, really good weird.

She can speak without hating her voice. She hasn't found a mirror or anything yet, but she can look at herself and not just feel okay with it, but actually _happy_ for the first time in years.

She can finally like herself. When none of it’s _like herself_.

It’s everything she ever wanted. Everything she's been asking for. If no one knows who she or Eri is... If she can be somebody else...

She’s bubbly. Friendly. Patient. Positive and encouraging.

And maybe it looks like it’ll work. She perks up Rhyme and Beat. She makes it through the missions even when every one of them feels like the end.

But she’s not different. She’s not better. She's been trying so hard to ignore that, to reject it. But she just can't. It shows through. She loses her temper at her Partner, and she feels so scared and helpless about everything going on - and she's still thinking about Eri. How Eri would be doing so much better, and Shiki could never handle things like her, and she's still angry and bitter and she _wants_ _more._

All she’s doing is taking on a role. She can lie all she wants, it’ll never replace her core.

Even if everyone else believes her, what difference does that make to _Shiki?_ What's the point?

She can't even manage to change here. When she should've had the perfect new chance.  
It's impossible. She'll never be like Eri. She'll never live up to her.  
  
She'll never be any different. She’ll never get any better. Nothing will.

She’s just the same as she ever was.

* * *

The train rumbles on the way to Shibuya, and Shiki can’t keep still. She feels all... jittery, fidgeting in place and with Mr Mew’s arms.

She’s going to meet the others today. They’ve texted a lot in the week since the Game, but this is the first time any of them are going to see what she actually looks like, and...

Will they really still like her? Neku promised, but...

Trust your partner, right?

She hasn’t been around Shibuya a lot since, either. It’s weird spotting places they fought Noise and everything. She has to stop herself reaching out to check for walls.

Coming up on Hachiko, she takes a deep breath. Even while she’s anxious, she feels hopeful. Now or never, right?

For the rest of the day, she forgets about feeling aware of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> made an ao3 account for this so you get like two weeks worth at once woooo
> 
> most of these are not great but the twewy fandom deserves any scraps of content we can get  
> i could continue to edit them but i would like to actually post this within the month of octoberr  
> let me know if i messed up on the formatting!


	2. Day 2 - Fading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more bad self esteem talk

You’re burning down to nothing but like hell you won't go out in high flames  
You try to clench your fists and your fingers waver and phase through your palms. It tickles, almost makes you jolt. You don't got long enough to care.  
  
If there's one time in your _life_ you gotta be _good enough_  
You can't slow down, can't stop hurtling through the streets cause you're already meanta be gone and cause if you're running and you're moving and you're doing, you don't think about how you never got anything right in your damn life and why'd this be any different -  
If you keep up the pace you tell that shit to shut up.  
You're gonna do it and you're gonna be the big brass Composer and you're gonna save her. You're gonna make things right.


	3. Day 3 - Fashion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings just happy :)

You've always been imagining. Ever since you were little, swapping around clothes on your dolls and making messy crayon drawings.  
You have a lot of ideas. They’re zooming around in your head, new concepts in and out.

And before you met Shiki, that was all they ever stayed.

You don’t have anywhere near her motivation. All your project plans were fleeting when you worked on them alone. You'd get bored or frustrated and give up, or never even start before you thought of something else.  
Then she came into your life, and gave your dreams form.

  
It's amazing to see your designs become real. For them to come off the page, go from concepts that only exist inside your head to actual clothing you can touch and hold and wear...  
You owe all of that to her. Shiki's incredible. You could never do what she does. You don't understand how anyone has the patience to sit and focus for hours on end. She has such keen observation, always picking up on all the details you overlook. You’d settle for half the missed opportunities she sees, but not Shiki. Everything you design is all the better for it.

  
And you’re all the better for her.


	4. Day 4 - Creature

A heaving wall of muscle, a collage of contorted features, animal and human and bright unnatural strokes. He breathes regardless, like a rising volcano.  
You promise her you can do it, and Shiki's voice carries strong in return, matches your determination.

* * *

He's a blur of dark fur and surreal, neon angles, hurtling across Pork City out of reach. You feel like a tin pin trying not to get slammed.  
You throw out distant psyches of fire and bullets, and the light puck dances back and forth.

* * *

The Taboo Noise move different, wilder, with more ferocity. They twitch, erratic, wolves snarl and lash at your heel as you break towards white static.

You don't know if you'd spoken a single word to Rhyme with your head so far up your ass. You don't recognise any trace of her in the swooping little Noise you call out.  
When you get through this, you're going to fix that.

* * *

Writhing and coiling and curling over himself, stretched far to the roof of the chamber, scales glinting golden off no present light  
You fight without a puck but you feel all of them. Your partners, distinct and familiar and it's how you belong -

Shades doesn't stand a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "surreal neon angles and bright unnatural strokes are the same description" ah, don't they say nothing is truly original?


	5. Day 5 - Road

There is a path Konishi takes, up and up, efficiently onwards. She won’t stop progressing until she’s satisfied.

Brilliance begins at birth. One must be superior from the beginning to get anywhere of worth in life.

There are ranks in academics, in workplaces, in society, in the value of a person. Konishi exceeds standards of them all. Use your time exceptionally, understand your options, and stamp out anyone in your way. She rises, step by step.

From an effortless honor student, through a quickly advancing career, to a businesswoman met with an unfortunate complication.

She wins her Game with cunning, with analysis, with logic. A Partner was never part of the equation, at the time.

Of course she’d impressed. Faced with an opportunity like this, why would she ever return to life?

She thrives here.

A very brief period as a wall Reaper with an array of missions, so cruel and calculated to stay just within the rules of the Game. She loves rules, loves meeting their limits, loves knocking down lackadaisical fools who never read the fine print.

She is a Harrier without mercy, vicious and deadly and vile, erasing Players by the score. She never once ranks outside the top performers by the end of each week.

Onwards the uphill road, until she has earned her place in the highest ranks of the Reapers. For a long while she allows herself to stay there, executing orders as the Conductor’s right hand.

  
She never has interest in seeing the road to its very final end. The Composer is distanced, detached from the Game’s primary going-ons. Their Conductor, however, holds a far more active position.

Meaning she does intend to usurp Kitaniji at some time. She’s in no rush. She may well have eternity. She simply keeps notes until the optimal conditions present themselves.

And so they do. Minamimoto is enough of a madman to do it, and her control over the week as Game Master is almost serendipitous.

She comes achingly close to her goal.  
  


Ultimately, she crashes. She tumbles and splits, broken down into stray soul at the bottom of the rut.

There is no logic to refute that result.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is possibly the first time ive ever thought about Konishi longer than a minute


	6. Day 6 - Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sadism, murder, reaper pov things.

Uzuki thrives on the hunt. Seeking out targets, swooping above the city streets, the bursts of static and satisfaction of a job well done~

Each Player Erased is a _rush_ that only grows chaining ‘em together throughout the week. Even Mr Koki “I’ve totally been here centuries, or something” Kariya doesn’t get tired of that. Like, who could?

She hasn’t had a chance to bag anyone since last month. It’s been way too long. You don’t feel too drained between games, or anything, but she wants to get working! She's buzzed. She's, like, pumped! She's been ready to play a new Game for aaaages. ☆  


Last she’d tracked down was some guy left alone on Day 6. Guess someone else took his Partner and either he got away, or they wanted to let him fade aaall by his lonesome.  
Until Uzuki flew down on him. Not that she's, like, cleaning up the scraps. Every point counts! It was, like, super lame, though. Can’t be any challenge without a Pact. Booring.

He was such a sore loser, too.  He kind of reminded her of some more pathetic version of herself. She'd been so pissed at all the Reapers back when she was a Player. She totally would’ve Erased some Harriers herself if she’d been able. Like, look on the other side? Everyone has to eat.

...The weirdo new GM takes the metaphor too far, though.


	7. Day 7 - Petrify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> death + imminent death(/erasure)
> 
> I really had NO clue for this one, at least that i could take past a couple sentences, so!

He can feel it, no major damage on his body but his limbs heavy and vision growing blurred at the edges. Their Pact's the only reason his Partner’s still hanging on.

She’s immobilised, they don’t know what hit her, they weren’t prepared and whatever's happening to her on the other side is cutting at him. They’re not sharing anything anymore, she’s just draining his life away.  
His healing psyche's busted, they ate it up with the fucking kangaroos last round, and even if he could keep evading forever it’s not gonna change a thing when she can't _move._

They went in too deep, got too confident, chained too many Noise together and he _told_ her that and what’d she do?

It’s going to kill them both. This is it.

He backs away and her pain jolts through him, almost takes his knees out.

She’s panicking, he knows she’s saying something but he can’t grasp what, white noise clogging up his thoughts. He doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want to be Erased -  
  
So he bounces. What the hell else is he meant to do!?  
He sprints for his life, those stupid drop rate boots pounding on the asphalt, his chest heaving and unable to disturb the air _._ He keeps running long past the point the Noise revert to sigils, twisting down any streets in front of him without aim.  
He has to stop eventually, sinking against a building, too exhausted to even identify where he’s ended up.  
  


  
He left her. _Left her._ Dropped his Partner for dead like a fucking coward, and only _now_ does he realise. He’s powerless. He’s already doomed. The only thing he’s accomplished is making her die alone.  
  


...

He stands up. Starts walking, forcing himself onwards. There’s nowhere to go.

there's - maybe - there’s still at least one other pair left in the Game. If they can clear the mission and he manages to hide that long...

then he just dies tomorrow, doesn’t he?

they got so far. it’s not fair. what could they have even DONE!?

how many times did she save his skin

he should have stayed, he should’ve tried to find a way to help her

just take out whatever Noise had her, shit

she had that high impact pin from wild boar maybe she could’ve ended it quick if he just

  
  


It’s so much harder to tune out the ticking.


	8. Day 8 - Handmade

She’d never really had anything she was passionate about until she started sewing.

She made this. He didn’t exist before she sat down and sewed him up. And if she hadn’t, he never would. The entire world, Mr Mew-less.

She pricked her finger like, four times back when she was getting started, so literal blood went into creating him.

He’s not very good. His eyes are different sizes, and the stuffing in his tail falls down too far. His original stitches are clumsy and she’s had to reclose threads a couple of times.

She’s not good with praising her own work, but, yeah, she’s made things a lot more impressive.

He’s just her favourite. Mr Mew’s special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that be it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	9. Day 9 - Team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just imagine the bold text is red, okay

Angels are **linked together**. Their minds connected, intentions and decisions designed to be conveyed to All as a whole.  
Working in synchronisation, harmony, concurrent parts in Their Composition.  
  
Individuality fascinates him.  
  
Humans - and Reapers, and most beings that stem from humanity - are all so distinct.  
 **Identity** matters a great deal to them.  
The labels humans use to define themselves, to attempt to understand others.  
  
Their favourite colours, foods, artists. Star signs. Genders. The way they dress, and speak, and shift those decisions in response to others.  
Most humans wish to **make themselves comprehensible**. To their own minds, if not always to each other.  
  
He finds it immensely intriguing. So low on the universal scale, so weak and powerless, yet every individual expanding inwards on themselves **nearly infinitely**.  
  
  
To drop in on the Lower Planes, the Producer chooses some labels for himself. Pisces. Artist. A man, more or less. Middle aged. Japanese. A bit of a hipster. Blood type A, big fan of beans.  
"Sanae Hanekoma". A name to **define an individual** , as much as he could be considered one.  
  
  
And there's something about that that calls to him.  
A variety of factors that keep him coming back to the Lower Planes, beyond what's necessary. Some compulsion to continue taking that role, to **directly contribute** to their world.  
  
  
Everything that makes up Shibuya's Underground...  
Its clashing values, its development of individuals, its cycle of building Imagination. Its Players.  
  
He's willing to clip his own wings to save it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah babey this is what happens when you wait 15 days for inspiration


	10. Chapter 10 - Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> neku crytypes for 157~ words  
> warning for, uh, Getting Shot

he can't do this  
why  
 _ **why**_  
why can't this just fucking end every time every time  
he came all this way to save her why can't he just  
no  
he doesn't understand  
 _all of them_ every  
its his fucking _**PARTNER**_  
  
he just looks at him this piece of shit smiling like he did the whole goddamn week like hes asking a simple question neku hates him he hates him he can't _**do this**_  
  
why why fuck everything _everything_ his fault from the fucking start he _ **died**_ _for him_  
  
he cant do this he cant see its not fair he tried so hard to get here it was so hard it was SO **HARD** trust your _fucking partner_  
  
and it hurts and it h **urts and ithurts** _ **hurts**_ **hurts** _ **hurtshurts**_ and he _remembers_ hes dying hes dying its hard and cold and warm and fast and he doesn't know whats going on  
  
and **they** _smile_  
  
he doesn't even feel it  
  
he's  
  
why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at like 4am in one shot and i think those were the optimal conditions


End file.
